sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
