i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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