I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You are the jesus of drinking
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
