Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
