She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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