I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
