i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
