Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize