You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
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I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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