Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?