so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"