there was a trapeze. enough said
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.