I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?