I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.