he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
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dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
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From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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