All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize