Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
