lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
