At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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