his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
