Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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