I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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