my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
