dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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