Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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