Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
