Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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