my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I understand Curling. That high.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
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Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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