i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This is classic penis vs brain.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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