I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
