yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
