She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I need to calm my uterus...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize