You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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