I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
