Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
