The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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