My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
