I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Rumble strips road head = magical
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize