that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
