I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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