I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
