Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
