i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
