I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
