So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
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Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
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Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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