I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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