My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
