Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
