i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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