I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
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We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
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Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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