This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
