Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Pants are for mortals
Panties = found
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
