quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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