Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
