you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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