just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
