We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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